July 30th...

Today is my brother's birthday (...not that he even reads this to see that I'm recognizing it or anything). It was also one year ago today that my grandpa passed away. My thoughts have been with my grandma and my heart has been melancholy most of the day. I wish I was with her right now and I know that she is wishing that she was with her husband... I also spent some time chatting on facebook last night with an old friend who just lost his dad yesterday. Needless to say, I have had a lot on my mind.

I was going to continue my blog from the trip this past weekend but instead I'm going to share something with you that really touched my heart today.

If someone were to ask me, "Angie, if you had the opportunity to meet anyone in the world, who would it be?" I would have to say that Max Lucado is at the top of that list. I don't even remember how I stumbled upon his books...but I am hooked and have been for years! I enjoy them because they are "easy reads"-yet have depth. He sometimes brings out a sense of humor that is similar to mine. Most of his words paint incredible pictures in my mind as I read them, and sometimes he touches on something that brings tears to my eyes. One of those times was today.

Last night I picked up his book, "Traveling Light" which was inspired by David's writing in Psalm 23. I cried when I first read this, I cried a few hours later just thinking about it, and I am sure that as I type the excerpt, the tears will well up once again. This is taken from a chapter entitled, "The Prison of Want...The Burden of Discontent"

"...he had learned to be content.

So had the leper on the island of Tobago. A short-term missionary met her on a mission trip. On the final day, he was leading worship in a leper colony. He asked if anyone had a favorite song. When he did, a woman turned around, and he saw the most disfigured face he'd ever seen. She had no ears and no nose. Her lips were gone. But she raised a fingerless hand and asked, "Could we sing 'Count Your Many Blessings'?"

The missionary started the song but couldn't finish. Someone later commented, "I suppose you'll never be able to sing that song again." He answered, "No, I'll sing it again. Just never in the same way.""

Yep...couldn't even make it through the typing. What a testimony... What a way to make a person feel deeply convicted. What a way to immediately drop to your knees, to be thankful for all that you have already been given, and earnestly seek forgiveness for always wanting "more." This deeply impacted me today.

The chapter continues:

"Are you hoping that a change in circumstances will bring a change in your attitude? If so, then you are in prison, and you need to learn a secret to traveling light. What you have in your Shepherd is greater than what you don't have in life.

May I meddle for a moment? What is the one thing separating you from joy? How do you fill in this blank: "I will be happy when _________"? When I am healed. When I am promoted. When I am married. When I am single. When I am rich. How would you finish this statement?

Now, with your answer firmly in mind, answer this. If your ship never comes in, if your dream never comes true, if the situation never changes, could you be happy? If not, then you are sleeping in the cold cell of discontent. You are in prison. And you need to know what you have in your Shepherd."

I am a worrier. Usually, I make jokes out of my worries, but most of the time they run deep and weigh heavily on me. It's not that I enjoy worrying, but I guess that part of me has a tenancy to look at my life, my age, my circumstances (i.e. being single and a single parent), and figure that worrying is par for the course. I don't want to worry, but feel as though if I don't...people may think that I don't take life "seriously" enough. Ugh...

Anyway, I am SO glad that the bookstore didn't have the book that I initially wanted to purchase and that God placed this one in my hands instead. God knows I needed it, and now I know I needed it, too!

Upon reading the first few chapters I was thinking about the baggage that we seem to drag with us through life's journey, and I think that my bags carry bits and pieces of everything imaginable crammed in them. Then I got to thinking about the countless number of conversations/arguments that I had with my son this past school year. He literally went through three backpacks in the 6th grade. One ripped at the shoulder strap, one ripped at the zipper, and the other just plain bottomed out. Seriously...and two of them were fairly expensive! I was so tired of buying backpacks that I dug out his old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one from the 1st or 2nd grade! It was obvious that he was cramming his books, football, basketball, jacket, you name it...he'd stuff it in his bag! I don't understand it...it can't be all that good on his back, neck, or shoulders. And most of the junk he'd put in there wasn't even necessary...in my opinion. But in his...it made life easier. Does it? Why did he feel he "had" to lug all of that stuff around?

...Why do I feel like I have to lug all of my "stuff" around? Granted, I'm not physically walking around with a million backpacks...but emotionally I am. And they are tearing at the seams, bottoming out, and causing the same stress on my mind and heart. Why do I allow them to weigh me down?

I believe that every once in awhile I will place them on the floor, but once I "trip" over the backpack of doubt I grab it again and throw it over my shoulder. Why? And there are so many!!! Doubt, fear, insecurity, regret, worry, loneliness...even jealousy, to name a few.

Did I mention that Max Lucado's books have a way of challenging me spiritually?

A lot can be learned from the woman in Tobago.

Nick's backpacks have made their way to the garbage, never to be seen again.

...I think it's time to work on doing the same with mine...