Stuck in the Daily Commute...

Ok...so this morning the drive to work was off to a great start. Nick is getting better at becoming a morning person (well...after I shake him for five minutes he's up and moving anyway). But the drive was going well, I was making good time, and then...traffic on a four lane interstate at 65 mph came to an abrupt halt. First of all, they have been re-paving Hwy 99 for well over a month now. I often wonder how it is that my tires are still holding up. I have acquired chip #9 in my windshield (after going through at least one windshield a year, I am determined to get my money's worth out of this one!) and I think that once the road is complete I am going to visit the chiropractor and send Cal Trans the bill. :)

So I hit a traffic jam, approximately 10 miles from Sacramento. At 7:30 I am sitting in my car, crawling at less than 1 mph. I look ahead and can see the skyline, thinking to myself, "That's where I need to be. THAT'S my destination. At this pace, it will be noon before I make it to work. What could possibly be holding up traffic? If I parked my car, I could walk faster than these cars are moving!" Then a Harley comes blasting between my lane and the next. "Jerk! Here I am with nowhere to go, and this hot shot can move right up the middle without losing any valuable time..." Then I glanced at the skyline again...I want to be there, not here.

And so I sat. I looked to the west, at the airport and watched planes taking off, destination unknown. "A vacation would be nice..." I grabbed my camera, thinking I would try and snap a picture of the miles and miles of headlights that were behind me. "Now if I did that, the guy in the car next to me might think I'm one odd woman..." And then I glanced to the east. "Gosh...for as long as I'm going to be sitting here, a decent sunrise would help pass the time..." and that's when my eyes fixed on two herons soaring over the rice fields, which would have been a GREAT picture, but I was so deeply in awe at following the movement of their wings that my brain stopped functioning. I've never really watched a heron fly, and I haven't the slightest clue as to why I've never noticed them before, but they are the most graceful birds I think I've ever seen. It was literally as if they were "soaring"...not doing much work at all. They flew with such grace and beauty. At that moment, I decided I could be stuck in traffic all day and wouldn't mind at all.

My life moves a lot like this kind of morning. Stuck in traffic, knowing where I want to go, where I "need" to go but not having any other option than to sit...and "wait." Off in the distance I can see the destination, but I can't reach it. "Yet." It's not my time...

A little over a week ago, I was chatting with a girl from the church on facebook. I inquired about a possible "relationship" interest that I had caught wind of. As my luck would have it, she responded by saying that it never really took off and just prior to me asking about it, they had decided that it wasn't the right timing. She is 18 years old, he is 19. I have known the two of them for years, and have ALWAYS thought highly of him...and I have ALWAYS commented on the beautiful girl she is, and what a perfect catch she is going to be for one lucky man. They both have a solid relationship with the Lord and would be absolutely adorable together. And then I was so proud of the fact that these young adults could come together in a respectable way and mutually agree that the timing wasn't right. I know that decision doesn't make them feel that much better, but it is SO commendable to those around them. Teenagers can "get it" ...why, at times do I fail to do the same?

I absolutely adore this girl. And at the end of the conversation, she thanked me for being who I am, and mentioned that she admired me... I wish Nick were a little older! :)

Sometimes I think I'm about as messed up as they come...but most times, regardless of being "messed up" I am so blessed to be where I am.

I love kids...I love mentoring, and I love caring for the younger ones. Tonight at church, a girl had made me a beaded bracelet with a heart-shaped charm that said "I am Blessed" on one side and "Faith" on the other. I will cherish this bracelet for the rest of my life.

I am truly, truly blessed. To be plugged in to a church that has such a passion for the youth. To be given the opportunity to pour part of my life into the lives of kids that are accustom to living lives of addiction. Blessed to have the opportunity to look at a parent in the eye and say, "You have an amazing kid!" I don't think life gets much better than that!

So why not take in the beauty that surrounds me? Sometimes I forget...and sometimes, thankfully God sends me His subtle reminders. He knows the desires of my heart and He knows the destination I'm heading to. And by His grace, He gives me blessings of encouragement and beauty to bask in while I'm stuck in the commute...

Week in Review

I told myself that I wasn't going to stay up tonight due to the fact that I have completed what has been one of the most exhausting weeks for me in a long, long time. However I really wanted to pound out a post tonight with a recap of a few of the highlights.

A few months ago I learned that Casting Crowns would be making another northern California appearance. The very first time I saw them live was about three years ago...then again, it may have been four years ago. It's been a while! My first experience was shared with my cousin and a close friend. It was one of the best concerts I had ever been to, so from that moment on, I knew if they toured close enough to attend, I would be there! The second and third time I saw them live, it was because a friend of mine was touring with them as a production manager. So I was fortunate to sneak in to those shows. The fourth concert I attended (gosh...I sound like a groupie!) was dubbed a girls night out in which I took a handful of youth girls that I absolutely adore. This show marked #5 for me and was also a girls night out with some friends of mine from the church. We grabbed dinner and then headed to the show.

The tickets were courtesy of a friend which was a blessing in itself. As I picked up the tickets from will call, it was a totally unexpected surprise, and "bonus" because included in the envelope were four meet and greet passes for us. I don't know who was more excited out of the four of us. Speaking for myself, it wasn't so much an "excitement" as it was the reality that my friend, who I hadn't spoken to in over a month was the one who made all of this happen. Who made all of this so...special.

The first thing we noticed about "this guy," was his t-shirt. I don't think he wanted to give us the info on where he purchased it and I even joked around about it being a "specialty" shirt, made just for him (which he admitted he wished that were true, but he purchased it off the rack.")

The following are some pictures I had taken in color but wanted to see how they'd turn out in black and white. Although the lighting for the show was incredible.

This next one was one of my personal favorites...even though I'm not so sure there's anything super special about it...it just "captured" the evening for me, in particular.

Casting Crowns is by far, my favorite Christian group, period. If you've never listened to their work, you're missing out. If you ever have the chance to see them live, I strongly suggest seizing the opportunity. They are so talented, so humble, and so right on with their ministry. You will walk away feeling so blessed, so convicted, and so challenged.

Today at church, we had a visitor! :) Bob came rolling in on his wheelchair!!!

He looks SO GOOD! I was so happy to see him outside of the walls of UC Davis Medical Center!

So these are my highlights. Once I have a little more time, I'll get back and share what's been stirring in my heart.

A Great Week!

Do you ever feel as though you wished you could "bottle up" certain feelings and memories and keep them forever? I am finishing up a week that has made me feel that way. I don't know why, and I don't particularly know what has made it so special...but it has been.

I spent Labor Day afternoon at my parents for a bit. It was just the two of them, my brother Josh, Nick, and I and it was a great time! Josh and Nick played around out back for a while which was fun to watch.

I was able to sit down and study the Bible a bit, and I chose to read through John and Acts...the humor of Jesus really struck me. Or rather the thought of a) standing around in a room with other apostles, doors locked and all of a sudden, **poof** there's Jesus, standing in the middle of the circle of friends. How crazy would that have been? Or b) being Peter...sleeping on a floor in a jail cell when all of a sudden he's being poked in his side by an angel saying, "Hey Peter...wake up! We need to move." It just made me laugh...

And then there was Friday night high school football, which I'm kinda hoping becomes a tradition! We went to the Sutter/River Valley game. Poor Nick...I wouldn't let him wear his RV jersey because I knew I'd be sitting on the Sutter side. What to do? His RVJF team is SO GOOD...and there are pretty high expectations if that team stays together throughout high school. However, being a small town gal, I'd really like for him to attend a smaller, more intimate high school, like Sutter. I have a year and a half to make that decision, but I suppose I shouldn't stress too much about it because a lot could change during that time. Anyway... I had the awesome opportunity to spend most of the game hanging out with a few of the younger girls from church, and I LOVED it! Stepping away from helping out with high school youth group was tough for me for this very reason. Friday night was a reminder to me of the importance of staying connected with them! We're thinking of making it a frequent thing...not so much for the football, but for the opportunity to connect and catch up.

I did reach a point in my week when I wanted to kick myself in the tail...hard, and asked myself (at least 50 times a day) "what on earth was I thinking?!" I don't have a ton of those moments...but this week has been haunting. And to ADD to that, I discovered in a conversation with my mamma this weekend, that she and my dad went through similar things. Ugh...it's the shallow-ness that stings! :)

Saturday, Nick had his third game of the season. The Junior Falcons pulled off a 29-0 win and are now 3-0. I don't understand football all that much, and get an absolute KICK out of asking my dad "Mr. All American Football Player," questions during a game. Better than that...I thoroughly enjoy the banter between him and my mom. I wish I could have been a fan in the stands when my mom and dad were dating...dad playing, mom cheering. How cute they must have been!(I will post pictures of the next few topics later....my blog is having issues, and I'm getting a tad sleepy!)

Saturday night, I was able to jam out of church early and catch my brother's show at the river bottoms. Ah...they get better and better every time I see them live. I can not describe the emotions I feel when I watch my baby brother on stage!!!

And today...we got to go see Bob in the hospital! I can not wait for him to get well. He is one of the most incredible kids in the world! UC Davis pediatric unit is one amazing place. So many kids...with different stories, different health issues, some with family...some without. I was cracking up today at the cuteness of Bob's "roomie." I sure would like to know his "story" but even without it...he touched my heart. With a curtain separating the two of them, he has become Bob's "best friend" and today, he became a blessing to me. Cute as a bug...and possessed all of the curiosity imaginable for a child of his age. After several moments of silence from his side of the room, I decided to walk over and take a peek at him. This little man had reached over and grabbed his desitin and was painting it all over his little body! I know I shouldn't have...but I busted up in laughter! (Then...we informed a nurse.)It was so stinking cute! As was little Bob...

So...a great week. A pretty incredible week, all the way around. I am loving life, loving family, and loving dear friends.

The Mainland

I just wanted to take a few minutes and brag on my baby brother...sometimes I don't think I do that enough!

His band, The Mainland is currently featured on purevolume.com under picks and promos. They were also recently nominated for the Malibu music awards for best rock band and will be performing at the awards later this month. (malibumusicawards.com)

I love seeing him have such a passion for music and sometimes I feel as though I want to live vicariously through him. :) I am proud of his determination and proud of his talent. I always wished that I had the gift of song writing and admire him for using the gifts he was given.

I know that starting out with very little has been difficult, but I also know that he, of all the people I know has the willpower and spunk in him to give it everything he has...

...and I look forward to the day when the home video of him dancing to New Kids on the Block in his purple sweatpants and no shirt at 5 years old...is going to make me very wealthy! :)

Love you baby bro!!!

Another Quick Re-Cap

I love three day weekends. I would love them MORE if they didn't go by so quickly!

On Friday night, I decided to take Nick to a high school football game. I think we will be doing more of this since he is playing football and I don't mind. It totally takes me back in time! Sutter High School is where my brother Josh graduated from, so I am familiar with the coaching staff, and it was great to have the opportunity to catch up with an old friend. He was a little hoarse from the game...but understandable! :)

Saturday morning, we headed back down to Sacramento to see Bob in the hospital. He has been moved from the PICU and was a completely different little boy in just a few days! He was laughing...and talking...and happy! He connected with Nick, which was amazing to watch and aside from the cast and the bandages...you'd never know he's been through so much this past week.

I am still overwhelmed with this whole situation. And there isn't a doubt in my mind that God has something absolutely incredible planned out for this little guy's life!

Today was Nick's 2nd league game against Yuba City, and they won 38-0!!! Which meant that Nick had more playing time...and in a little over a month has officially torn apart his cleats.

Sunday night...One day of the weekend to go. And hoping that it takes its time! :)

Week of Healing and Recovery....

First of all...it is September 3 and 100+ degrees outside. I am SO ready for fall to arrive!

This week has been a week of healing and recovery, for me mentally and for a few very special little kids.

I have been utterly amazed at the amount of support that has been poured out this week. It's tragic when something like this happens, and even more heartbreaking when there are children involved. All are recovering. The little girl who had lost part of her leg remains at Stanford Medical Center in the Bay area. She has not become conscious as of yet and still needs a ton of prayer. She is six years old...

Two of the other children, ages 9 and 15 months were treated and released suffering minor injuries.

Little Bob...is hanging in there! :) I just received word that he'll have to go back in to the OR next week for a skin graft on his little leg. His right leg is broken so both are in casts. I had the honor of getting in to see him Wednesday afternoon and i just wanted to hold his little hand. He is SUCH a doll! I took in a bag of goodies for him to play with while he's in a hospital bed. Nick carefully (and wisely) picked up a box set of dinosaurs which has since been Bob's favorite! ...Such a crappy thing for a 3 year old to go through. I know that many of us wish this could all just go away...

Bob's mom, who was driving the car seemed to be in pretty good spirits during my visit. I think that she has accepted the fact that the most important thing she should concentrate on right now is her child getting better. And he's getting better and better by the day.

I am SO ready for a three day weekend! ...not that I have much "down" time...but at least I'll be doing enjoyable activities and not answering phones in an office! :)

A Week Full of Lessons

Ah, what a WEEK!
So many things discovered, so many things to think about, and SO many things to anticipate!

I guess that for the most part, my life has pretty much felt as if it has been placed "on hold." And after a crazy journey, I'm kinda feeling like I'm coming out of the grey.

I have struggled a lot over the past year with regrets. There have been several moments in my life in which I felt I wasn't as "fair" as I should or could have been. Times in my life when my reaction to certain things/people was quite a bit on the shallow side. God has really convicted me over the past few years in regards to judging people and my relationship to them. He has taught me the importance of looking beyond the exterior and concentrating on what's on the inside of others. ...Sometimes I catch myself over-analyzing behavioral patterns; however sometimes I feel as if it's Satan's way of manipulating the mind into thinking it's ok to judge people. I'm definitely a "work in progress" and for those who know me, know that about me! :)

Anyway...I get overwhelmed sometimes. Chatting with people on facebook and re-living the past can be painful for me. Because I know that I haven't always been "fair." Thankfully...the ones I haven't been fair to are forgiving.

This has been a hard, yet incredible lesson to learn. The irony is...since I was a teen, I have known what it feels like to be judged/made fun of. And it hurt. It is emotionally damaging when your so-called peers make jokes about you. Especially when you're a girl. So why...or rather when, did I think it was acceptable to turn the table around? I don't know...but I've decided that I will react that way no longer and do the best I can to make ammends with the ones I may have directly or indirectly hurt.

The second lesson came to me when I was boasting about having a "great day." Within a few hours I was singing a different tune as I backed into someone at the Shell station. Never boast! :)

I also learned this week that five hour energy drinks are my friend.

I sat in the church nursery this morning, after spending an exhausting day in the heat on Saturday, and learned the importance of counting your blessings. There was a teenage girl who has requested to volunteer on the weekends. I had never met this girl but have seen her around several times, being pushed in a wheelchair by at least two other individuals. I recall the day she was baptized and the reaction from the church body. Today...I had the pleasure of introducing myself to her. This young woman has such a zest for life. Her smile and personality absolutely lit up the nursery! She was there for one reason...to love on kids. Without directly inquiring exactly why she was in wheelchair, I couldn't help but overhear my boss holding a conversation with her. She is in high school...and was born with cerebral palsy. She has a twin sister that is completely healthy, but for whatever reason, God placed this handicap on her. When the diagnosis was spoken, my heart sank. I tuned in to the conversation and began speaking to her with more compassion than I ever thought was possible. "Do people make fun of you in school?" was a question that was asked, (not by me although I wondered). "oh, yeah" was her response. But it wasn't sympathetic. She didn't feel sorry for herself. If anything, she felt sorry for the people that ridicule and make fun of her!!! What a testimony!!!

And it struck me. Do people make fun of my son?! Talk about a helpless feeling!!! And THEN to be informed that they do...within the youth group?! How can people be so...cruel?

I know that through enduring difficulties, your character is strengthened. I just have a really hard time with the fact that such lessons have to be learned at such a young age. Parental instinct says...head to youth group, kick tail and start taking names. But spiritual instinct says...this will make him strong. Maybe not now, maybe not 5 years from now. But it will. And he will eventually develop even more compassion and extend more grace than most people can offer in a lifetime. I love the thought of that.

So then...I come home today, go about my cleaning and laundry. When it's finished, I sit down at the computer thinking to myself, "finally...I can upload pictures on facebook and blog a little bit." Enter in a text message from a friend.

There had been a terrible car accident this afternoon, involving someone from our church, her little boy and three other children. Prayer was being sought after. Immediately my body went numb. What do I do? What can I do?

After several phone calls to any connections I could think of I discovered more of the incident. Child air lifted to UC Davis. Little girl had a leg amputated. Can this be real? I called my mom who is in Washington state. I don't know what to do! Who can I call to seek prayer from?! Ultimately, I knew that I was to "go." Really? What can I do? And I still don't know why...but I know that if it were me driving that car...and my son that was air lifted...I would want to know that someone was at the very least...there.

Such a tragedy. I still don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's just one of those things that is completely out of your hands and in the hands of God. And that's just life....

Anyway...it's been an emotionally draining day for me. For a lot of people. And it's a horrible way to learn a lesson, but one that needs to be learned nonetheless. Life is too short and life is way too precious to allow the little things to consume you...and cause you to neglet what is truly the most important!