A Week Full of Lessons

Ah, what a WEEK!
So many things discovered, so many things to think about, and SO many things to anticipate!

I guess that for the most part, my life has pretty much felt as if it has been placed "on hold." And after a crazy journey, I'm kinda feeling like I'm coming out of the grey.

I have struggled a lot over the past year with regrets. There have been several moments in my life in which I felt I wasn't as "fair" as I should or could have been. Times in my life when my reaction to certain things/people was quite a bit on the shallow side. God has really convicted me over the past few years in regards to judging people and my relationship to them. He has taught me the importance of looking beyond the exterior and concentrating on what's on the inside of others. ...Sometimes I catch myself over-analyzing behavioral patterns; however sometimes I feel as if it's Satan's way of manipulating the mind into thinking it's ok to judge people. I'm definitely a "work in progress" and for those who know me, know that about me! :)

Anyway...I get overwhelmed sometimes. Chatting with people on facebook and re-living the past can be painful for me. Because I know that I haven't always been "fair." Thankfully...the ones I haven't been fair to are forgiving.

This has been a hard, yet incredible lesson to learn. The irony is...since I was a teen, I have known what it feels like to be judged/made fun of. And it hurt. It is emotionally damaging when your so-called peers make jokes about you. Especially when you're a girl. So why...or rather when, did I think it was acceptable to turn the table around? I don't know...but I've decided that I will react that way no longer and do the best I can to make ammends with the ones I may have directly or indirectly hurt.

The second lesson came to me when I was boasting about having a "great day." Within a few hours I was singing a different tune as I backed into someone at the Shell station. Never boast! :)

I also learned this week that five hour energy drinks are my friend.

I sat in the church nursery this morning, after spending an exhausting day in the heat on Saturday, and learned the importance of counting your blessings. There was a teenage girl who has requested to volunteer on the weekends. I had never met this girl but have seen her around several times, being pushed in a wheelchair by at least two other individuals. I recall the day she was baptized and the reaction from the church body. Today...I had the pleasure of introducing myself to her. This young woman has such a zest for life. Her smile and personality absolutely lit up the nursery! She was there for one reason...to love on kids. Without directly inquiring exactly why she was in wheelchair, I couldn't help but overhear my boss holding a conversation with her. She is in high school...and was born with cerebral palsy. She has a twin sister that is completely healthy, but for whatever reason, God placed this handicap on her. When the diagnosis was spoken, my heart sank. I tuned in to the conversation and began speaking to her with more compassion than I ever thought was possible. "Do people make fun of you in school?" was a question that was asked, (not by me although I wondered). "oh, yeah" was her response. But it wasn't sympathetic. She didn't feel sorry for herself. If anything, she felt sorry for the people that ridicule and make fun of her!!! What a testimony!!!

And it struck me. Do people make fun of my son?! Talk about a helpless feeling!!! And THEN to be informed that they do...within the youth group?! How can people be so...cruel?

I know that through enduring difficulties, your character is strengthened. I just have a really hard time with the fact that such lessons have to be learned at such a young age. Parental instinct says...head to youth group, kick tail and start taking names. But spiritual instinct says...this will make him strong. Maybe not now, maybe not 5 years from now. But it will. And he will eventually develop even more compassion and extend more grace than most people can offer in a lifetime. I love the thought of that.

So then...I come home today, go about my cleaning and laundry. When it's finished, I sit down at the computer thinking to myself, "finally...I can upload pictures on facebook and blog a little bit." Enter in a text message from a friend.

There had been a terrible car accident this afternoon, involving someone from our church, her little boy and three other children. Prayer was being sought after. Immediately my body went numb. What do I do? What can I do?

After several phone calls to any connections I could think of I discovered more of the incident. Child air lifted to UC Davis. Little girl had a leg amputated. Can this be real? I called my mom who is in Washington state. I don't know what to do! Who can I call to seek prayer from?! Ultimately, I knew that I was to "go." Really? What can I do? And I still don't know why...but I know that if it were me driving that car...and my son that was air lifted...I would want to know that someone was at the very least...there.

Such a tragedy. I still don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's just one of those things that is completely out of your hands and in the hands of God. And that's just life....

Anyway...it's been an emotionally draining day for me. For a lot of people. And it's a horrible way to learn a lesson, but one that needs to be learned nonetheless. Life is too short and life is way too precious to allow the little things to consume you...and cause you to neglet what is truly the most important!