Why?

I was sitting at home on Saturday afternoon (YES...I was actually sitting!) and thinking about things. There was no "particular" thought running through my mind, nor were my thoughts deep and dramatic, but one word found it's way there. The word was "why?"

I have so many unanswered questions about so many things in my life...ranging from the situation with my son and his biological dad, to personal things in my life, from relationship issues I see with those whom I love, to relationship issues (or rather "lack of") of my own!

So, the question is:

Why do we let so much time go by before we realize the importance of spending time with family.

Why do kids, after being told "no" have to argue with you?

Why do some people compulsively lie?

Why can't we allow every day the be the "best" day in our lives?

Why is it so difficult for some people to value a relationship as a "blessing" rather than an "inconvenience?"

Why do some people have the opportunity (for lack of a better word) to date more than one person at a time while others can't seem to find one?

Why is it so hard to express your feelings rationally rather than becoming so defensive and sometimes even saying things you know you may one day regret?

...Why is the m & m slogan "melts in your mouth, not in your hands" when we all know this isn't true?

Why does such a big portion of my "contentment" hinge on the desire to be married one day and have another child?

...Why does my printer at work cause me to get more ink on my hands than on my paper?

Why are we so persistent on taking care of certain things all by ourselves instead of allowing God the freedom to do His work?

Why does it seem more important and sometimes "easier" to rush into things rather than waiting on God's timing?

Why do most of us spend the majority of our days living in "fear" rather than trusting and living in "faith?"

Why is it, that life can appear to make perfect sense one minute, and in the next minute it's utter confusion and chaos?

Why do I sometimes neglect to see opportunities that God puts directly in front of me?

Why, when we have the ability to choose how we react in situations, do we sometimes choose the most painful way?

Why, at times, do I feel secure in who I am, and yet in others fall into the trap of my insecurities?

...Why can't every day be a vacation?

...Why do I wake up every day with a song in my head?

Why can't I always feel content and at peace with not knowing all the answers to life?

Hopefully you can sense the "not so serious" whys and appreciate my attempt at having a sense of humor. Don't get me wrong, I totally ponder those things but they aren't seriously troublesome!

Some of those "whys" pertain solely to me and what I struggle with. So I have decided, I am setting a goal for myself to work on them and dig for Scripture that will help me work through them. And the first step in doing so, is to ask for those of you who follow this blog or have any kind of relationship with me, to help me. To hold me accountable for following through with this goal as well as possibly sharing similar struggles within your own lives. I know that I get so wrapped up in working two jobs and trying to find balance that I often (way too often) find myself slipping away from studying God's Word. Maybe some of you can relate...

I have this book that I picked up over a year ago called "The Complete Book of Life's Questions With Answers From the Bible." This is a great resource that I know is going to help assist me in "direction."

This is what it says in regards to accountability:

"Accountability means answering to someone. It is literally giving an account of yourself-where you've been, what you've been doing, what your motives were. Accountability also suggests that the one who is holding you accountable has the freedom to ask for an account. Most of us don't like to be accountable because it puts too many restrictions on us. It also forces us to open up dark corners of our lives we'd prefer to keep hidden. But real accountability keeps us honest, moral, and on the right path. It's not always comfortable, but it's necessary. On a deeper level, God holds us accountable. He sees all and knows all; nothing is hidden from him. On the final judgment we will have to give an account to him of how we lived our life.

...Part of being accountable is being a good listener and observer. You can learn much about your own behavior by observing others and listening to those friends you respect.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble...A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

A person standing alone against the world is vulnerable. You need support and companionship. Enlisting a Christian friend as an accountability partner will more than double your spiritual strength. Include the Lord in that relationship and you will become "triple-braided."

Even those trying to do good need accountability. Sometimes your own good intentions can be sabotaged by wrong information or even your enthusiasm.

We don't live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it's to honor the Lord. And if we die, it's to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose-to be Lord both of the living and of the dead...Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. Romans 14:7-9, 12

Live today as though you will be with God in eternity tomorrow. One day you will have to give an account to God for how you lived here on earth. So lead a life of obedience, pleasing to God.

You are accountable for your own disobedience to God.

You are accountable for your own character.

You are accountable for your own spiritual growth.

You are accountable for the work you are given to do.

You are accountable for your resources: how you spend your money, time, energy, and talents."

So there you have it...I'm going to tackle my "whys" one step at a time. I know questions will always linger, but how I react to them makes all the difference!

May Vacation...Day #3

...ok, so as I'm blogging, it is currently 90 degrees in my apartment. It is definitely cooler outside right now. First thing I'm going to do tomorrow is contact management and demand a new air conditioner. This is getting just a tad ridiculous!

After having two extremely clear days in San Francisco, the fog rolled in and it was much cooler than it had been. (what I wouldn't give for the cool air right now!)

We had decided to take a drive to the Muir Woods and go for a hike. This is what the Golden Gate Bridge looked like when we drove over it.

I didn't plan very well for hiking conditions, but was a trooper (in my opinion) anyway!

Everything was so green throughout the park and it was really nice to get out and into fresh air!

Here is a glimpse of the "fun" we had:

After hiking back (and "up") a ways we came to a point when the trail separated. The trail we were on was called "Ocean View Trail" but didn't have an actual "view" of the ocean because of the fog. We decided to hike a little further anyway and it turned out to be a nice little jaunt.

This little guy stayed still long enough to let me get a handful of pictures. I thought about catching him and bringing him home but Chris was scared of him, so I let him be! :)

On the return hike, we decided to check out the other trail:

Don't worry, it wasn't a "literal" meaning!

Here are a few shots of the hike back down:

Think about this: If a (redwood) tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? My guess is that when this "mac daddy" fell it was loud and the ground shook just a bit!

We made it in, through, and out of the Muir Woods without any mishaps which should be shocking to anyone who really knows me and my lack of being coordinated. After I reached 100, I lost track of how many times I tripped! But no scrapes, bruises, or broken bones!

After we left we drove into this little town called Mill Valley for some lunch. We opted for a little bakery/cafe. As soon as we walked through the door and saw the "bakery" part, we knew we couldn't go wrong with lunch either!

I decided to order a Panini which turned out to be the best one I've ever had!

I was practically a bottomless pit when it came to eating so I figured, "why not go for the zillion calorie triple chocolate mousse?"

We walked around a bit and then headed back into the city, stopping by some old military batteries. By the way...it was still foggy!

I could have stood on this dock the entire trip and taken pictures. I loved it! It's like we had a 360 degree view of the entire Bay...

We ended day #3 with dinner at Chinatown. I have never been to Chinatown, so this was exciting. (I think the waiter got the impression I had never eaten Chinese food, period!)

Another great day...

Next day's adventure...Ft. Bragg

Day at the Ballpark

...Have no fear, I obeyed this rule!...

Last fall, I had promised to take Nick to a Braves vs Giants game. I bought the tickets early, and chose our seats wisely, purchasing 1st base line seats behind the Braves dugout/towards right field. Unfortunately we were not able to attend the game due to the death of my grandpa. This year, the Braves came into town a few months earlier. The start of the series was today...Memorial Day.

This marks Nick's third ballgame. First one was when he was just shy of his 1st birthday, Giants vs Cubs. Second game was when he was 5 years old. We went to Atlanta to watch the Braves play the Cubs. I really wanted today to be special for him, so we left early to catch batting practice.

One of Nick's favorite players is Chipper Jones. Unfortunately he wasn't in the line up today. Fortunately, he was still there, and participated in batting practice.

Now I'm not going to "assume" anything...but this next picture (sort of) looks as though Mr. Tim Hudson is looking directly at me. Just for the sake of it being a good story I'm going to say that he was! :) ...don't worry, I know that the man is married. I'm just trying to be funny!

I was utterly amazed at how much could be going on throughout the practice. Pitching, batting, fielding...balls being hit and thrown everywhere. I don't know how the players do it. They can be carrying on a conversation with one another while paying catch, turn to catch a ball that has been hit into the outfield, and never miss anything!!!

I thought this next one turned out pretty cool:

...and of course this one...go Coast Guard! :)

I had to take a few more of my new "admirer!"

I wonder if he caught on that I was using him as a subject to photograph? More than likely...I'm sure the word "psychotic" crossed his mind a few times!

...Actually, my persistent snapshots may have paid off. Tim Hudson caught a ball, which was hit by Chipper Jones, and then...amidst the fans shouting, "Hey Tim," he looked our way and threw the ball. Nick had his glove up and I was bare-handed behind him. We were GOING to catch that ball! I looked at Nick, who had this bewildered, "did that just happen" look on his face and asked him if he caught it. And he did!!! I was so proud of him and so incredibly happy that he was able to experience his "own" moment!

After he caught the ball, batting practice was coming to a close, so he stood by the wall with one final hope that he could snag at least one autograph. Wish #2 granted:

So we made our way to our bleacher seats. Here's a shot of the proud recipient of an official (now signed) MLB ball:

By the way...as a parent, one of the greatest feelings in the world is sharing a moment like this with your child. To see them so happy, so "child-like" is incredible!

Now I'm going to "rant" for just a few minutes. Thank goodness we had such an amazing time prior to the start of the game, because had we not been in such good moods, I totally, without a doubt would have gone off on the chic sitting in front of us. She was one of the rudest individuals I have ever met. Baseball is an American pastime. Baseball has been known over the years to be a sport that attracts young kids. She was so incredibly rude to my son, based solely on the fact that he was a Braves fan. SO WHAT?! Is it not a free country? Can we not make our own decisions about who we choose to "root" for? They were shooting t-shirts out into the crowd and as a joke between my son and I, I told Nick that if he caught one, I would pay him $20 to throw it back. She had an absolute cow, glared at the both of us, and I firmly believe that had a shirt been aimed in Nick's direction, she would have plowed him over. The funny part is...for as much as Nick would have wanted to throw one back (had he caught one), he would have found a little kid and given it to him. That's just the type of boy that he is...and I more than likely would have upped the $20 to $40 just because he's so kind.

Anyway...I was so fed up with the Giants banter and attack on poor Matt Diaz, in left field that I wish I had all of my baseball facts straight and could have fired stats back at them! I mean, I'm not sure...but to my knowledge I don't think a Braves player has been banned from baseball because of alleged steroid use. Second of all...Matt Diaz more than likely makes more in one year, than one of those Giants "fans" will see in a lifetime. (2009 salary $1,237,500! http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/players/profile?playerId=5595) It's just frustrating. Especially when such words, or certain "names" don't need to be spoken in front of children. Period. Don't rob my son of the joy that comes along with a day at the ballpark. Ugh...

...so there's our day. It was so much fun, and a tradition I'm hoping to carry out every year with my son!