Clouds...

I have had this extreme fascination with clouds lately. It began during the trip to Seattle when I began to take notice of certain "formations" in them. I saw things that resembled a smiley face (like the one on the t-shirt worn in Forrest Gump), a teddy bear, and the most unusual, Pluto laying down as if he were sleeping on the clouds. Crazy, I know but he was THERE!

And then Wednesday as I was driving home from work, I saw what appeared to be a cherub. It was beautiful and had I not been on a four-lane interstate in rush hour traffic I would have stopped to take a picture!

So the past few days I have been thinking about clouds...and why all of a sudden I have this little fascination.

It has been quite some time since we have seen clouds where I live...as a child I remember searching the skies for funnel clouds and being mesmerized more than frightened when I would locate one. I don't think I've ever been afraid of a storm. I think back then I felt that when a storm came, my mom and dad would always protect me and my brothers from whatever came our way. I have vivid memories of when "things were bad" my dad would wake us up and move us down into the basement. I loved this! It was almost considered a "treat" (in my opinion) in which our entire family would have a "slumber party"! Now when I look at he clouds I am reminded of those times...and almost hoping that a storm will approach. We get very minimal thunder and lightening, which is something I desperately miss...

And there's something about clouds that reminds me of cotton candy. I'm sure it has to do with them both having a "fluffy" appearance, and cotton candy has always been a weakness for me. Love the sugar!
And then there's the fact that I always envision the clouds being "home" for loved ones who have left this world...it's comforting to me when I imagine my grandparents hanging out in the clouds...watching over me.

Last night I discovered some shocking (to say the least) news...and I'm still reeling. News that not only had an affect on me but also on the one most precious to me. I am struggling with so many emotions, most of which I haven't felt in quite some time. Not knowing how to handle them, wanting to lash out and breakdown and cry both at the same time. Emotions of anger, bitterness, pain, disappointment, sadness, regret, judgment, animosity, condemnation, confusion, question, sympathy, accusation (just to name a few)...not to mention the fact that "names" to describe a certain someone have rolled off my tongue with great ease. And I'm not proud of that...at all. (even though part of me feels this is all "justifiable")

So this afternoon on my drive home from work I clearly heard the voice of God. I still struggle with what He was speaking to me, and I'll need encouragement to keep me in line with what He revealed.

First of all, He reminded me that He made the clouds and sets them in motion...and what I've been thinking as a "fascination" with them recently has simply been His reminder to me.

...to look "up"...always.

What I'm going through is no surprise to Him. What I'm going through has a purpose for me and for Nick. And that no matter what, this is not a situation for me to place "judgment" upon another person...no matter how bad it hurts. It's not fair...it's not easy...and it's not deserving...but as a child of God, I believe we are called to forgive, and to love the unlovable.

I had to work at the church tonight...and tonight was a night I didn't really want to be there...however as I pulled in the parking lot, I got these...

...reminding me that he's always there. To listen, to comfort, and to "protect" as a father does. All I need to do...is look up.