Pessimism and Placing Judgment

I have fallen into both traps this week and am disappointed in myself for doing so.

I've been following the story of the missing 8 year old girl from Tracy since her disappearance. The past few days I have been watching the news reports and the press conferences as if I was watching an episode of NCIS. Wondering if the person responsible for her murder was lurking around in the background as the media asks questions, or could they have been sitting at home in front of their television...or perhaps reading the newspaper silently laughing in their own little demented way. It makes my stomach turn and my blood pressure rise. A child...a beautiful little girl. A daughter...torn from her parents. I don't understand and my humanistic response is to point fingers, make accusations, place judgment, and want more than anything for justice to be served.

From the video of her walking through the trailer park the day she went missing...to the image of a suitcase being carried across a field. They are images that haunt any parent and all that have compassion for life.

Between jobs the other night I stopped in at my parents' and my mom had filled me in on the church and the preacher that they had been questioning. My heart sank and before I could process anything, my mouth spoke, "Just what this world needs. One more excuse for people to turn away from God rather than towards Him." ...Sometimes I wonder why He doesn't just send down a bolt of lightning to set me straight. (And this is one of the many reasons why I would never be a good candidate to serve on a jury...)

And then I watched a few of the news videos online. There were members of the community who knew Sandra, who told stories about what an incredible little girl she was. How other children were drawn to her and how her smile was contagious. There was a group of people standing in front of the memorial, holding hands, heads bowed, praying the Lord's Prayer. And then there was Sandra's daddy who held his composure while saying how touched he's been throughout the search, how he will never be able to repay those who have volunteered and were still working on finding the person responsible...but God knows what these people have done and He will bless them for it. Unbelievable.

As of today, they have charged someone with the murder of Sandra Cantu. And as of today, I have failed to hear one family member publicly speak out of anger...or hatred. I'm sure they have so many questions and so much anger. But I also have a feeling that they are surrendering it all to a Higher Power.

I had one of the worst days today that I have had in a LONG time, causing me to literally break down and wonder what else could possibly go wrong. And then I thought of this story...realizing that my "problems" are so extremely petty.

On my way home from church tonight Selah came on the radio. "You Raise Me Up"....and in that moment I was reminded that without Him...I am nothing.