Between the Lines

I jumped on facebook yesterday morning and saw a status update from one of my many cousins that stated she had blogged and was getting ready to take on the rest of her day. It got me to thinking about how much I've missed blogging. I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to sit down and do so...

I am sitting at my desk at work. Thankful the heat has climbed up to above 70 degrees in my office, listening to the wind and the rain outside the window, with a thermal of hot tea beside me. Wishing we had a fireplace here, I have settled with my Gold Canyon candle as an alternative. :)

It's been a while since I have been hit with a cold, but my body finally caved over the past few days and an unwelcome chest cold has settled. As I was looking for something last night to hold hot tea, my mom reminded me of my thermal mug that was sitting in the cupboard. I purchased it a few years ago and have never used it other than for shelf decor. It's a cute little thing, forest green with the word, "Trust" at the top and Proverbs 3:5-6 underneath the word. One of my favorite pieces of Scripture:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Several weeks ago, a song came into my mind as I was driving to work. Not just any song...but an OLD song. It was a foggy morning and the song was one recorded by Ricky Van Shelton, called "Keep it Between the Lines."

It's a song that disappeared from my play list a few decades ago, but when it came to mind I could easily recite it, word for word.

"Keep it Between the Lines" and Proverbs 3:5-6 intertwined for me this morning as I battled the wind thrashing against my little Honda Civic. Driving during high winds has a tendency to wear a person out. When I stepped out of my car, I felt as though I had just completed several rounds of a boxing match.

Several hours later, I sit at my desk pondering the message that God is trying to convey to me. It sounds so simple, until the winds blow. Or rain pounds on top of you. Or fog settles in. Or weariness consumes...

OR...we go outside of the lines because something looks more appealing than the road we're on. So we pull off to try and satisfy what we feel may be missing. Something on the shoulder looks more appealing. More enticing. More..."fun." We have desires we feel are unmet. Expectations unfulfilled.

I have learned that it is much more difficult to "Trust" God when you have your own agenda.

My devotional this morning challenged me. It was titled "Redirected" and spoke of the story of Joseph. Here was a boy who stayed between the lines. Was loved by his father yet hated by his brothers. His life was so promising and the Lord was with him. Even when his brothers sold him to slavery, he remained faithful and true to the Lord. He could have taken a detour off the road. If not when he was sold, surely he could have when Portiphar's wife tried to seduce him. Or when she accused him and caused his imprisonment. I highly doubt Joseph expected his life journey to take this direction.

When our dreams are shattered, how do we react? After Joseph, the favored son of Jacob, was sold as a slave by his brothers (Gen. 37:12-36), he could have given in to self-pity and self-indulgence. Instead, Joseph remained true to the Lord. Four times in Genesis 39, we read that "the Lord was with" Joseph (vv.2-3, 21,23), and his actions revealed his own faithfulness to God. By his exemplary life, those he served in Egypt recognized God's presence with him.

Do we love God more than our own dreams? Although Joseph must have grieved the loss of his past and what his life could have been, the Lord led him to a calling he had never imagined. Today, the Lord longs to lead us. Are we willing to be redirected by Him?

-David McCasland (Our Daily Bread)

It's a challenge and a fight to keep it between the lines and trust the will of God when the wind blows. And it's a challenge to stay between them and trust when you long for "more" along the journey. But God blesses the faithful. God honors the persevering. And God strengthens the weak.

Lions, Tigers, and Bears

It seems like forever since I have felt determined to sit down and blog. ...I mean really blog. I have caught myself in the middle of frustration because I haven't been able to focus on one single topic and just "go with it." As I was getting ready for work this morning, things all came together and I realized that I was once again trying to push my way into something that God was not ready to release me to do.

I want my posts to have meaning and sometimes even depth. :) And I want my posts to come from my heart. The past month or so, I feel as though I've experienced a case of "writer's block." ...and I don't even consider myself to be a writer!!!

Anyway, this morning as I was getting ready for work, I was reflecting on a trip to the snow that I took over the weekend with Nick and a small group of others from church. The snow was great. It was an absolutely beautiful day. So beautiful that the majority of us shed our warm winter jackets and gloves shortly after we arrived.

But my thoughts this morning weren't focused on the snow, or the sun, or the sledding. All I kept thinking about was the topic of discussion we had on the hour and a half drive there.

Earlier in the week, I was listening to talk radio's "Armstrong and Getty." It was a "best-of" show and they were discussing a recent study performed at UC Davis. The study was about how to react if you find yourself face to face with a mountain lion.

Originally, it was advised that you should stand still. Now they feel as though running for your life may be a better alternative. Either way, I pray to God that I never find myself in a situation where I am forced to make that kind of decision.

There was a caller on the talk show that was living in the Foothills at the time, and was out for a daily run. As he was jogging along a trail, he caught something out of the corner of his eye, stopped, and noticed a mountain lion staring at him. He began to run again and noticed the "cat" running along with him. He stopped, the mountain lion stopped. He began to jog, and the cat did the same. Fortunately, there was no actual encounter and it makes for an incredible story.

So we discussed lions, and bear, and snakes, and gators, and sharks...

And by the time we pulled off the side of the road for an unscheduled pit stop...I was so paranoid that when I heard snow falling from a tree branch to the ground I freaked out and jumped back into the truck, heart racing and palms sweaty.

"If it ever happens that I find myself face to face with a mountain lion, I am going to pray that there is a single stone nearby and that God turns me into David."

And then I wondered what I would do if this happened and Nick was with me. One of the other things discussed on the talk show was the fact that wild animals will prey on someone based on their "gait." Nick has a limp in his walk... Sure it's easy to say that I would sacrifice myself for my son's life. But what if after I've been attacked the animal goes after him next?

...then I realized that I was turning into a hypochondriac.

How many times in our everyday life do we find our hearts racing? Our palms sweaty? How many times do we "freak out," find ourselves running for cover, barely able to breathe out of fear?

Now think about this...

How many times have we missed out on something incredible, more amazing than we could possibly comprehend, rob ourselves of a joyful experience, or fail to live in the moment because of our fear?

...our fear of disappointment.

...our fear of failure.

...our fear of being hurt.

My adrenaline raced immensely on that drive as we talked about "wildlife encounters." And I am not exaggerating when I mentioned stepping out of the truck and being paranoid. I was so convinced that there was a mountain lion lurking in the bushes along the side of the road.

As we got in the truck to head home from our day in the snow I realized that in the few hours we spent laughing, playing, and enjoying the beautiful day, there wasn't a single moment that I felt that fear. And I can't help but think about how much I would have missed out on had my mind been consumed with that fear.

One of my goals in 2010 is to work through fear. Without apprehension. Without anxiety. Without timidity. Without doubt.

I may not have physically encountered a mountain lion that day.

...but I believe God handed me a stone...

A Hiatus...

Well, I think I set a record for myself regarding the longest time without blogging. I have had several intentions over the past few weeks, but every time I'd be determined to...something bigger would come up.

The past few weeks have been such a bittersweet ending to a year gone by and an optimistic glimpse of the new year to come!

My nephew's birthday was the 23rd of December and we were invited to meet them for pizza and bowling which came as a fairly big surprise. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with my family. We laughed, we mocked one another's bowling skills and merely enjoyed each others' company. Of course yours truly had the winning game for the night...even though I am anything but competitive. :)

Christmas Eve was more of the same. When I arrived home from work the CA family was hanging out around the tree playing Christmas word scramble games.

This year I used a little of my creativity for some of my gifts. For my sister-in-law, I framed a picture of my nephew facing a sunset as well as pictures I had taken of my niece and nephew. I'm pretty sure she knew I had been up to something...but she acted surprised, and even claimed it made her cry. For my sister-in-law and I...that was a pretty big moment. My brother's girlfriend received a black and white of the Golden Gate, and my mom received pictures of the grandkids.

Nick has never been so difficult to shop for as he is at 13. UGH!!! The gift from his grandma and grandpa was a hit, though. A Sniper-looking Nerf gun. We practically had to pry it out of my 23 year-old brother's hands which made him cry... :) Not really, but he and his nephews were scattered throughout the house attacking each other until midnight while my niece enjoyed playing with the night vision binoculars that I bought for Nick.

My "big" gift was nothing I asked for...and certainly nothing I would have been smart enough to ask for. It's a good thing that my dad looks out for me. I now have an external hard drive that holds a terabyte...which means absolutely nothing to me other than it will hold a whole lot of pictures.

Aside from the gifts and watching everyone play with them...it was so amazing to just sit, as a family. In peace. In unity. And in love. For those of you who know about family dysfunction, you should know how huge it is when you all get along.

Christmas Day my dad took my mom, Nick, and I to the snow. It was a blast, and I loved having the chance to do that. I miss the snow, especially at Christmas.

December 26th was my dad's birthday. (December is a busy month for the Brooks family!) My brother's family came over for dinner and when I got home from church the majority of them were at the table playing Monopoly. I sat around with my sister-in-law and nephew, tried to blog but then my nephew asked me if I would play cards with he and his mom. Who would say no to THAT? So I sat on the floor with the two of them and we played a game called "Pit." Cute game, but it was cuter when Landon made up his own rules to the game merely to benefit his hand of cards. Which was fine...but then we got too busy laughing and giggling and tickling that it didn't even really matter. I loved seeing my sister-in-law laugh at my behavior toward her son. I don't get that much...and it was the best gift I received on this Christmas weekend.

The past few weeks, I have worked my tail off, I have spoken to dear friends, I have loved every minute I had the opportunity to hang out with my family, and I have cherished the many hours of playing Mario with Nick on Wii.

So blogging has taken the backseat, and I don't even feel bad about it.