Blessed

I was working at the church the other night and a few of the girls made a few comments about my son that really made my day.

I know that growing up without a dad can't be easy for him. I know that having to deal with me as his mom and only parent in the home has to be frustrating for him at times. But when I look at him, and I think it's safe to say that whenever anyone looks at him, you'd never know.

I love when I hear people say that Nick is a good kid.
I love knowing that he has a good heart.
I love knowing that he has such a great relationship with his grandparents and that he cherishes the time he can spend with his cousins.
I love that he is sensitive.
My heart melts when I'm having a bad day and he gives me a hug.

I love having the time to play catch with him. More than that, I love the fact that I am 36 years old and he still wants me to play catch with him!

I'm so glad that out of all the traits and genes I could have contributed to him, he has my sense of humor and a rare personality.
I love that he loves life so much.

I had the privilege to give a cardboard testimony in church last weekend and I was touched to see my son's reaction...even if he "claims" he had something in his eye.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing kid.

Pessimism and Placing Judgment

I have fallen into both traps this week and am disappointed in myself for doing so.

I've been following the story of the missing 8 year old girl from Tracy since her disappearance. The past few days I have been watching the news reports and the press conferences as if I was watching an episode of NCIS. Wondering if the person responsible for her murder was lurking around in the background as the media asks questions, or could they have been sitting at home in front of their television...or perhaps reading the newspaper silently laughing in their own little demented way. It makes my stomach turn and my blood pressure rise. A child...a beautiful little girl. A daughter...torn from her parents. I don't understand and my humanistic response is to point fingers, make accusations, place judgment, and want more than anything for justice to be served.

From the video of her walking through the trailer park the day she went missing...to the image of a suitcase being carried across a field. They are images that haunt any parent and all that have compassion for life.

Between jobs the other night I stopped in at my parents' and my mom had filled me in on the church and the preacher that they had been questioning. My heart sank and before I could process anything, my mouth spoke, "Just what this world needs. One more excuse for people to turn away from God rather than towards Him." ...Sometimes I wonder why He doesn't just send down a bolt of lightning to set me straight. (And this is one of the many reasons why I would never be a good candidate to serve on a jury...)

And then I watched a few of the news videos online. There were members of the community who knew Sandra, who told stories about what an incredible little girl she was. How other children were drawn to her and how her smile was contagious. There was a group of people standing in front of the memorial, holding hands, heads bowed, praying the Lord's Prayer. And then there was Sandra's daddy who held his composure while saying how touched he's been throughout the search, how he will never be able to repay those who have volunteered and were still working on finding the person responsible...but God knows what these people have done and He will bless them for it. Unbelievable.

As of today, they have charged someone with the murder of Sandra Cantu. And as of today, I have failed to hear one family member publicly speak out of anger...or hatred. I'm sure they have so many questions and so much anger. But I also have a feeling that they are surrendering it all to a Higher Power.

I had one of the worst days today that I have had in a LONG time, causing me to literally break down and wonder what else could possibly go wrong. And then I thought of this story...realizing that my "problems" are so extremely petty.

On my way home from church tonight Selah came on the radio. "You Raise Me Up"....and in that moment I was reminded that without Him...I am nothing.

Daffodil Hill

When I was younger I had a very spontaneous attitude. If I wanted to do something or go somewhere there was a 99.9% chance that I was going to do it. I don't have the opportunity to be that way at 36 years of age. I'd LOVE to be able to drop everything and go on a road trip...or call in sick to work and spend the day playing instead...but life's responsibilities prevent me from living that way. However...whenever I can I try to find things to do or places to venture simply to obtain an ounce of sanity.

This weekend, I decided to take a day and spend it with my parents. (something I haven't done in quite some time)

We decided to take a little drive to a place called Daffodil Hill. (my mom has wanted to go there for a few years now, and it sounded pretty)

On the way we stopped at this little old town called Volcano.

It was late morning, so we decided to stop in a little shop and grab a bite to eat...

After this quick stop we made our way to Daffodil Hill...

Don't know who these people are...but thought they looked like a happy couple and decided to take their picture. :)

So that's Daffodil Hill...next stop, Sutter Creek.
What a cute little town, with the greatest collectible shops ever!

I wish I would have bought this next item...I've been kicking myself ever since. Always go with your gut!

We grabbed a bite to eat at this cute little restaurant before we left. (notice the expression of joy I captured on my dad's face!)

Our last stop was another old mining town, Amador City.

(these are not real....)

They had a little train set that wasn't operating at the time we were there, and looked like it hadn't run in quite some time but it was so intricately set up....very detailed

I really enjoyed spending the day with my parents...and to end the afternoon together we decided to splurge...

Random Observations

I don't know why...but I have noticed that several people are "on edge" lately. Stressed. Confused. Angry. Bitter. I was on facebook the other day and I was absolutely amazed with the number of status updates that read something to the effect of so-and-so's life is "complicated" or so-and-so is feeling "confused." Don't get me wrong, there are days that I'm right there with "so-and-so" but it's as if everyone is feeling that way nowadays. Is there something in the air or what?!

As I was at work the other day, a guy came in and for whatever reason immediately began to tell me what a bad day he was having. He's going through a divorce, had to break down a door to get into his own home (which is why he was at my work) and as he was loading his broken door into the car he tore a section of the interior of the vehicle, which doesn't even belong to him. Then he literally placed his head on my desk as if his life was over. And in many ways, he truly feels that way.

"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

"What doesn't kill you simply makes you stronger."

I've even caught myself muttering those cliches. It's funny, (well, not really) that when times are tough we seem to neglect to heed to the most important advice that (in my opinion) has ever been given.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33 NIV

I love Easter...more than any other holiday of the year. Growing up, it was all about the basket of candy and the egg hunts. I remember sitting in church and staring at the display of Easter Lilies that lined the altar, knowing that amidst the mass of them, there was one placed specifically in remembrance of my grandpa Bowman. I love the smell of lilies to this day and I think a lot of it has to do with that single memory. Every year our family dressed up on Easter Sunday, usually in matching attire (some years a bit more "tacky" than others...God bless my mother!) and my dad would always have a corsage for both my mom and I. We never missed an Easter sunrise service and the entire day was spent as a family. We all seem to have our own "traditions" now, but regardless of that, Easter is, has always been, and will always be about the resurrection of Christ. Period.

When life gets hard and frustrating, confusing and complicated, unfair and illogical, it's best to remember that there was One who suffered much more than any one of us could ever imagine. And not only that....with all that He endured, He promises that we will never be alone, that He will never leave us, and He beckons us to release our burdens, our struggles and anxieties to Him.

Talk about "illogical"!

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."...

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 12:2-6, 11 NIV

One of the Sweetest Sounds

...is that of a child laughing. One of the sweetest images captured...is the expression of joy on a child's face. For those of you reading that have children or that are around them often enough, you know what I'm talking about.

I spent a few hours yesterday and today with my son (of course) and my nephew (who is a walking giggle...literally.)

I have been "eyeing" a section of the county courthouse for a few weeks now, so yesterday I loaded up the boys. (to act as my "models") If I'm lucky, I can get about five minutes of "serious" behavior out of them, and then all I can do is let them get crazy and hope they're still "photogenic."

I think our day (session) on the courthouse steps went pretty well!

Today there was a break in the rain, so I took them to a few local parks. (I was kind of enjoying the more natural expressions, so I figured what better place to take them than to the park?!)

I learned something this weekend. When it comes to photographing kids, the best and most enjoyable shots are discovered when you just let them be kids.

I Have Finally Decided...

After 36 years, I have finally discovered what it is that I want to be when I "grow up." This "revelation" occurred as I was cleaning and doing laundry tonight.

How does a box of Gain laundry detergent have anything to do with what I want to be? Well...I'm glad you asked! A closer look reveals this:

Tell me, who gets that job? "Here you go, Jimmy. Take this box and tell me how many loads of laundry you get out of it." (I don't know why I used "Jimmy" so don't ask) Seriously though, is that a "job?" If so, it has to be one of the least stressful ones out there!

Here are a few more:

(...ok, you caught me, I make cookies from a bag! And I'm sorry...but 3 dozen?! I'm lucky if I get half that!

"I didn't get 7-8 pancakes, sir."..."Well Bobby, did you make them exactly 4-inches? Give it another try."

Again... "Hey Kelly, I need for you to take this candle and see how long it takes before it burns out. By the way, don't fall asleep!"

Nah...I like my job (one of them!) I love it actually.

Cleaning tonight (along with a phone conversation with my best friend today) got me to thinking. Seldom are we fortunate, or blessed enough to find an occupation that we are passionate about. Don't get me wrong...some have. But more than a job that I love, I want lives to be touched. When I leave this world, I truly hope that people can look back at whatever role I played in their life and say, "that girl did it right." I want my son to have the greatest memories of things we did together, or times that the two of us just sat and laughed. I want my brothers to say, "you know, we had our sibling rivalries, but I couldn't have asked for a better sister, or friend." If by chance my "time" comes before my parents, I want more than anything for them to sit back and say, "we must have done something right." I want my friends to sit down and have a good, long, hard laugh at the crazy times we shared. And there may even be someone I didn't really know that well, a single parent...and I'd like for them to say, "she did it, and she did an incredible job." ...for a sweet child that I see a few days a week in childcare to say, "she loved on me when I needed it most."

That's what I want to be...someone that "lives." Fully, and completely. Someone that plays with the cards she's dealt the best way that she can.

What do you want to be?

Sometimes I realize I'm way out of touch with the news. Other times I listen to the news or watch it on television and am quickly reminded as to why I don't.

Three stories struck me this week. The first was of a three year old little girl who was abducted from her home in northern California, an Amber Alert was issued, and thankfully she was discovered walking along a road (11 hours later). The disturbing part was that she wasn't wearing any clothes.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/03/02/BALF167OL1.DTL&feed=rss.bayarea.

The second story was of the four men who had been missing at sea. One man rescued, three remain unaccounted for and the search for them, abandoned.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/06/missing.boaters/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

And lastly, the story from Maryville, Illinois. A man entering a church and taking the life of a preacher....

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/08/church.shooting/index.html

Three stories...

...sometimes I think I'm better off not hearing about things like these
but

...sometimes I need to hear them. To take time and be thankful for what I have

...sometimes it's a reminder to pray for the evil and sadness throughout the rest of the world.

And then there are those days, when regardless of what is going on all around you or even within you, you can see a glimmer of hope.

"And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on earth.""
Genesis 9:12-16

As a child, I distinctively remember being taught this story and thought about how incredibly cool it was that God specifically designated a rainbow to remind us of His promise.

...and as a child, perceived it as a promise that He would never again flood the earth.

...today, I read it a bit differently.

I understand that Scripture is Scripture, and that how it reads is how God intends for it to be perceived.

But when I saw these rainbows this week I couldn't help but think about all of the other promises God has made with us.

"So don't worry, because I am with you. Don't be afraid because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you." Isaiah 41:10

"Now this is what the Lord says. He created you, people of Jacob; he formed you, people of Israel. He says, "Don't be afraid, because I have saved you. I have called you by name, and you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you cross rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, nor will the flames hurt you."" Isaiah 43:1-2

Most people would probably question as to why this picture has been a favorite of mine, for a few reasons...

The obvious reason is the rainbow in the side-view mirror. But if you look closely, under the rainbow, there is what appears to be a telephone/utility pole with two beads of rain drops on both sides forming what almost resembles a cross. Above the mirror is a "Do Not Enter" sign. Irony? ...or could it simply be God?

I still haven't decided if I want to tune into the news on a daily basis. But I do want to continue to be thankful for what I have...

Aside from the sadness revealed in the media, I presently have a new roommate. One that I love dearly and am excited to see more of. I was able to watch him perform again this weekend and continue to be amazed with his talent. Along with that, I had the opportunity to hang out with my parents for the day and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I am blessed beyond measure that God created me to be a part of them.

I chatted with a very dear friend and am anticipating that we will have the opportunity to spend some time together soon.

And I have been reminded that God gives us rainbows...at exactly the right time.