A Special Gift

A month ago today I was walking around on Freeport island in the Bahamas...

Since then I've been wishing I was still there.

My last few "vacations" have been the most incredibly memorable moments of my life...

The year is half over and I've been to Puerto Rico, Alabama, and most recently found myself on Carnival Cruise lines traveling on a 7 day cruise with a wonderful man and his amazing parents.

The time spent in between those adventures have been mostly rainy and cold with little to no sunshine. But not only do I wish I was still on vacation for merely the weather...

We arrived back in New Orleans from the cruise the day before Mother's Day and immediately jumped in the truck for our 5 hour drive back to Alabama where I would spend the next few days.

This was the first Mother's Day in 14 years that I would be away from my boy. Granted, I'm not one for having a big deal made out of days like this, but it did feel a little strange.

Little did I know that even though I was away from my child, I would still be greeted that morning with a "Happy Mother's Day" smile and a gift...

He handed me a leopard print looking bag with a little box inside. I opened the box and my heart stopped.

While we were visiting our first port in Key West I found him standing in a little store looking at jewelry. This wasn't a typical jewelry store, but more like a lost treasures kind of place.

He was chatting with the employee who was holding a necklace that held a tiny coin.

The coin was called a "Widow's mite" and was about the size of my fingernail. It wasn't round like a penny nor was it stamped entirely in the center like the coins we use in the present day. It was smooth but uneven. The employee showed us a card explaining the coin's history...

"Each widow's mite was hand cast from bronze and minted by the Kings of Judea so each is uniquely shaped. Widow's Mites were widely used throughout the region today known as the Middle East, especially Jerusalem. The Bible speaks of these coins. Mark 12:41-44: Now Jesus sat opposite the [temple] treasury and saw how the people put money into the treasury. And many who were rich put in much. Then one poor widow came and put in two mites, which made a quadron.

The story of the "Widow's Mite" in Luke 21:2 tells of the woman who gave all she had. The Greek word for "mite" is "lepton." In the first century, there were many beautiful coins, (prutahs, denarius & sheckels). However, the lepton was often small and crudely made, often with no image on either side.

As we looked at this coin and I held the necklace in my hand, he asked me what I thought of it. "If it is what they claim it to be, I'd say that it's pretty amazing" I said as I pondered what kind of history I was holding in my hand. Wondering who else had held this coin and the journey it has been through. He asked the employee a few questions before going out the door.

We made our way upstairs to a toy store so I could look for something to bring home for Nick. As I was looking around, he told me he'd meet me downstairs and while thoughts of where he was headed to entered my mind, I also thought about how crazy it would be for him to return to the jewelry store and purchase it.

Six days later, I was holding this coin in my hands. It was the gift he chose to give me on Mother's Day...

Part of me still thinks he's crazy...

But a much bigger part of me is so thankful for the gift of having him in my life.

I actually had to wait a few weeks before finally possessing this necklace due to the fact that he had it set in a chain locally in Alabama. During that time I researched the mite a little more and found some pretty incredible things.

The story of the widow putting in all that she had was a testament of her faith...that God would provide.

Wikipedia says this:

A more likely interpretation has a different focus. Since in any case the woman would have been under no obligation to give the second mite, when she gave "all her living" she could not have given any more. Thus, the traditional interpretation of the passage is that God accounts the value of a gift not by how much is given, but by how much is kept back. Hence, the poor widow is counted as having given a great gift, having kept nothing for herself, while those who give out of their abundance but keep plenty for themselves are counted by God as having given very little. While the passage may or may not be an encouragement to live in poverty, it is certainly an encouragement to give generously.
and
...it was the quiet "small" gift of the poor widow that impressed the Son of God. If we do our works to be seen of men, we have our reward. If we do our works as the poor widow, if we are wholeheartedly devoted to God instead of seeking the praise of people and instead of spending riches on our own pleasures, we will receive a far greater reward which He has for us.

I am extremely fortunate to possess something so beautiful as this coin. And even more fortunate to have been given this gift from someone so special...not only for the gift itself, but for how it serves as a reminder of who I am to be.

Tough Love

Last night I worked childcare at my church. Before I get too far into this post, I want to stress the fact that I absolutely L-O-V-E this job. For soooooo many reasons! I love loving on kids. I love calming a crying baby. I love rocking in a rocking chair, reading a story. I honestly don't believe that there are greater feelings in the world than having a young child hug you out of the blue, color you a beautiful picture, or simply smile at you from across a room...

But... Sometimes it's tough. Some nights I walk out of the church in frustration. And there are times that I find myself sternly saying, "enough."

Working childcare at the church isn't merely a weekend job. We're not there for church services alone. Our childcare services are offered 7 days a week not only for church services, but for Bibile studies, funerals, church ministries, special events, and community recovery groups.

...Just to name a few... Our doors rarely close. And I am extremely blessed to have the opportunity to be a part of such an intregal part of the children's ministry department. Yet as any job does, it becomes wearisome at times. Last night was one of those times. There are nights in which I all but throw my hands up in the air in an act of surrender. And I haven't quite fugured out how, but you can almost ALWAYS tell when it's a full moon!

I have found that the most difficult aspect of working in a childcare is having to remind myself that these children aren't my own. These are children that are placed in our care for a reason. For a very divine purpose. There are some instances in which I can clearly see what that purpose is. And there are many times in which I haven't the slightest clue. And I may never know why...

Yet that's ok.

Working with children means that you have to implement discipline. It requires an act of consistency. And more times than not... tough love.

Tough love is something I have struggled with as a parent quite frequently.

Having one child, I find myself wanting to provide for him in any and every way that I possibly can. Unfortunately, there have been many things that I have been unable to give him...

When he was younger, a "no" resulted in an occasional temper tantrum. Kicking and screaming, not able to comprehend why. At 14 years of age, the tables have turned. When I ask him questions, rarely will he answer me. I can't remember the last time that he actually "asked" me for something.

He's grown up to be a lot like I was at his age. Retreat to the bedroom, come out for dinner or to clean up for bed.

...Sometimes I really miss the younger years...

Lately, the common question discussed has everything to do with our future. Possibilities of potential change. And change...can be a very difficult topic to tackle.

Tough love is rarely something that is seen. Decisions can be made, without complete understanding as to "why." It's an act of trust. It's trusting that the decisions are the right ones, and that the revelation will eventually come in due time...

In a way, tough love requires a leap of faith. And in my opinion, faith is one of the greatest things we have to believe in...

My tough love with the kids last night may not be understood for years to come. And that's ok. I know that I love those kids, even if they may not realize it until they're grown.

Tough love isn't allowing someone else to determine the outcome of a situation. Tough love is knowing what's best for the situation and acting upon that knowledge.

As I was leaving the church last night, frustrated as well as questioning some of the decisions I made, I stopped to talk to one of the parents as she was loading her kids in the car. I apologized for possibly coming down a little too hard on the kids and after a few moments of conversation, the pieces began to fall into place.

...With a sincere look in her eyes, she was grateful and quick to remind me that if it weren't for us caring for her kids...she wouldn't be clean.

Divine appointments. You can't help but love them!

Discipline isn't a bad thing. Tough love is an act of love, period.

Flying Kites

Last weekend while I was attending a birthday party for a friend's son, the children were given kites to fly. It was a beautiful day, with wind that is the worst enemy for an allergy sufferer, but perfect for kite flying.

I grabbed my camera with the rest of the adults and headed outside to join the little ones.

I honestly can't remember when the last time was that I actually flew a kite. Nick went through a handful of kites over the years, but as luck would have it, we never really had windy enough days or a spacious enough backyard to fully be able to experience the wonder of a kite flying high in the sky...

So I may not remember when the last time was that I flew a kite, but I will never forget what it was like to fly one as a child. To see an object gliding high in the sky above you, twisting and turning, yet...free. I remember sometimes feeling as though I wished I were a kite. What would everything look like from way up there? How would it feel to have the push of the wind behind you, come up underneath, and carry you through the air?

...knowing that there was something, someone greater than you, allowing you to soar while having complete control via a thin piece of string. Granted, there is always the possibility of the obstacles of an old oak tree or a telephone wire to crash into, but the string is usually still attached.

And then there is always the possibility that the string does actually break. The tie between "kite" and "kite flyer" is severed. But with a skilled craftsman present, it can generally be repaired quickly with a knot.

Our lives are quite a bit similar to a kite. We are given the freedom to fly. To twist and turn in the wind and soar high. Sometimes we crash into a tree and sometimes we take a nosedive into the ground below.

We hold a sense of security in knowing that we are connected to Someone greater. Our string is our lifeline between us...and Him.

And no matter what happens, no matter what we do or where we go, He doesn't let us out of His sight. He never lets us go. He provides the wind and He carries us. If our resistence between us and Him severs the string, He is quick to repair it. If we find ourselves hung up in a tree, He climbs up to rescue us. When our nosedive into the ground below bends or breaks any part of us, He restores us to better than new.

In a sense we are all better off than a tangible kite. Because when the day is over, when the wind stops, or the thrill of flying a kite is outgrown, the kite is stored in the rafters of the garage or maybe even thrown away. The Creator of our being says that we belong to Him...forever.

And I can't wait to see the view from Eternity!

Why Wait?

Oh my goodness...I can not believe I have neglected to blog for three months!

Writing isn't so much of a passion to me as it is a type of "therapy." One might assume that based on my absence in the blogging realm, I must not need therapy! I would have to say that would be a poor assumption and that in all honesty, I have really missed blogging... My hiatus has consisted of nothing more than pure happiness and extreme enjoyment of life. I've taken a trip, planned another really exciting trip, and lessened my work load from full time to part time. I am anticipating this to be one of my greatest years yet, even though I'm finding myself closer and closer to my 40 year mark. I mean "milestone!" Anyway...

This afternoon as I was driving in the rain (which has been lingering around northern Cal for weeks) I heard an old song on the radio that immediately soothed my soul. With my windshield wipers on high speed and rain battering on my car, God gently reminded me that this rain, this cold, and this dreariness is not going to last forever. This weather, these natural disasters, and the waging of war, is not eternal. He promises us that. Yes, these things are predestined to happen. BUT, He promises us a place where we will forever stand in the sun. Where we will be able to dance with Jesus surrounded by His glory and praise His name forever. In this place there will be no pain, no ridicule, no hatred, no sadness.

...I can only imagine...

Yesterday afternoon I had the opportunity to talk on the phone with my baby brother. It has been well over a month since we chatted last. Once our "small talk" was over, he candidly asked me what I thought about all of the billboards and vans that are advertising the end of the world coming on May 21, 2011. I first heard about this so-called prophecy when I received their fliers in the mail at my work. My initial reaction was anger and frustration because all my life I've been told and have read Scripture which states that no one knows the day or the hour. Those are God's words. And for someone to proclaim that they have it all figured out, based on a theory using numbers, is in my opinion, calling God a liar. And their publicizing this all over the country could potentially turn non-believers even further away from God, if that's possible.

So here sits my brother, hundreds of miles away, asking me questions and for my opinion. The craziness in all of this, is knowing that he's questioning this right along with studying numerous other theories. And God's all but shaking me to use this opportunity, this divine appointment to further His kingdom. I'm not sure that anything is more important than sharing the gospel with those you love. Those you care about more than anyone else in this world, and fear that ultimately, they may not be in the same eternal destination as you. I don't know if my response to him was what he was searching for...but I do hope and pray that I was used to water the seed I know was planted in his life years ago.

So as I sat listening to this particular song, thoughts flooded into my mind and my heart was heavy. Can I imagine entering eternity, knowing that I didn't share the love of Jesus with those closest to me in this earthly life? It is so easy and peaceful when I sit and ponder how wonderful eternal life is going to be, why is it so hard to let others in on this amazing destination? It's no secret...it's not like there will only be "so much room" and guests will be turned away. The problem is, sometimes we just don't feel "comfortable" talking with others about it.

An even bigger problem, is that we will never know when Jesus is coming back for his people. And because of this reason alone, we should never be afraid to share the love of God.

Why wait?

Snacks that Appeal

I am an individual with several weaknesses. One of which is a 100 calorie bag of something called “Reese’s Snacksters.” This bag includes cereal puffs, peanut butter chips, cereal squares and Reese’s pieces. It’s more or less peanut butter in a bag.

This past weekend I shared a bag of them with a three year old, toe-headed ball of fire. I adore everything about him. After I opened the bag for him I watched him carefully sift through the bag and separate the contents. He’d immediately pop the Reese’s pieces in his little mouth (more than likely because they were his favorite) and set the rest aside on the end table. Maybe it was the color that was appealing to him, or the hard candy shell that covers them, or perhaps he just preferred the taste of them over the others.

Whatever the reasoning, the bottom line was that he chose them. He was given a bag containing several options to satisfy his hunger, yet he chose what he wanted at that particular moment, without hesitation…

It’s funny how we seem to go about our lives in a very similar way…

We take in the things that appeal to us the most, without much thought or hesitation and leave the rest behind. Discarding it. Maybe out of some sort of hunger we go back for the leftovers, but typically they fall by the wayside.

We go for the designer clothes, the fast cars. We want the latest gadgets. We get involved in relationships because the outer beauty is simply too beautiful to pass up. We desire the jobs with the higher pay so we have more money to spend, rather than simply being happy and loving what we do regardless of the size of the paycheck.

…we want what meets our needs.
…and usually we want it immediately.

…Only to find out later that it didn’t satisfy us the way in which we thought it would.

So I have to wonder why it takes so many of us so long to realize that God’s plan may be that those things we discard and disregard might just be his greatest blessings for us. I do believe that God’s timing is perfect, and yet could it be that we push His timing aside because we have our minds set on our own timing and selfish desires?

There are moments in my life that I regret some of my past decisions. Thankfully, we serve a God of second chances. Sometimes even third and fourth ones! And He redeems those choices and creates something much more beautiful than we can ever imagine…

Hello World

I am a big fan of Lady Antebellum. A really, REALLY big fan. Not in a psychotic way, but I am a sucker for harmony. Period. And when this group was introduced to radio a few years ago I was hooked. Instantly.

This video is their latest single and I can't get enough of it...

One of the things I am most grateful for in my life, is to have eyes that are constantly on the "look out" and a heart that is ready to embrace the moments that surround me on an every day basis. I love looking for God's miracles and the manner in which He speaks directly to my core. I am somewhat guarded, but I believe in opening my heart to those God places in my life.

Examples:

For the past month, I have seen someone bundled up in a sleeping bag, sleeping on the steps of a church in freezing temperatures. The first time I witnessed this, I cried. Not because it was cold and this person was undoubtedly homeless, although that is heart wrenching in itself. I cried because the one place this person chooses to unroll his sleeping bag and rest for the night is under the cross. Whether or not they choose to do so for that reason or not, I don't know. But the symbolism that God revealed to me is that whatever our circumstances are in this life, when we choose to surrender every ounce of them, He gives us rest.

You know that old saying, "When one door closes, another one opens" ? I have literally seen that occur in my life this past year and it has been absolutely one of the most amazing feelings ever! I don't know where the "corridor" is going to lead me, but I have walked through the door and have begun one of the greatest journeys I have ever embarked on throughout the course of my life. I am extremely excited to see what this next year is going to bring and overwhelmed with how incredibly fortunate I have been in such a short amount of time. It's amazing to think about the blessings that come forth when you merely open your heart to receive them.

Last week on my flight home from Puerto Rico, I was sitting on the plane surrounded by a fairly young family. There were three children, of which included a set of twins. They all took their turns swapping seats between mom and dad. Dad was in my section and was the most phenomenal story teller ever. I sat and listened to him make up his own story as each child sat mesmerized and hung on to every word that came out of his mouth. He and his wife apologized quite often during the 5 hour flight for their children's' behaviors and I responded by saying that it was perfectly fine and that I work with kids. I thought it was wonderful to witness the love these children had for their parents.

About halfway through the flight, the oldest girl was sitting next to me. She would compliment me on "how good" I was at my word seek book. She asked me if I knew any Spanish words, because she was beginning her own little list of translations. She told me about their trip to Puerto Rico and visiting the rain forest. We even played a few games of Go Fish. Before the flight was over, I had even learned about the boy she had a crush on.

As we scurried off the plane, I walked up to her and told her that it was very nice meeting her. She responded with a gigantic hug...

It's been a week, and she may not even remember sitting next to me on the plane. But I will remember little Sophie for quite a while. God used her to remind me of the innocence that I often times forget about.

Simplicity. Affection. Honesty.

Most days I'm afraid to make eye contact with a complete stranger. For a few hours that day, a little 8 year old girl treated me as though I was her very best friend...

What am I so afraid of?

To the world you may just be one person...but to that one person you just might be the world.

A smile and a hello can make a huge difference to someone. A few dollars or some loose change given to the stranger on the street corner could provide a hot cup of coffee and something to eat on a cold day. A simple gesture of hope could quite possibly save a life.

I think that's more than enough of a reason to step out of our "comfort" zones...

God gave me this life. He hands me blessings every day. What am I doing in response to his love? Do I bottle it all up and store it away like a selfish pack rat or do I pay that love forward into the lives of the people he places all around me?

This world has way too many opportunities for us to just walk away from. Embrace those opportunities. Love on people.

You may just bump into a miracle in the making...

Getting Here

Sitting on an American Airlines flight last week, I was overwhelmed with one simple, yet complex question:

How did I get here?

One day I was preparing for a trip to Alabama, the next day I was informed that the trip would have to be postponed. Disappointment took over my emotions yet I tried my best to accept the situation for what it was. Disappointment has become an unwanted companion of mine for many years. So I spent the next few days convincing myself and living by the motto, “it is what it is” as well as telling myself that somehow it would all work out. And rarely does this happen, but I believed those words.

And within a week, I was heading on an outbound flight from Sacramento, California to San Juan, Puerto Rico.

The flight was completely full. There were screaming toddlers, happy couples holding hands, and one stewardess that was clearly having a bad day. I rested my head against the window and looked outside at the terrain thousands of feet below me. Closing my eyes and fighting off the unsettled nerves that danced around inside of me, the question resurfaced:

How did I get here?

Landing in Dallas, Texas, my heart raced right along with my legs as I tried to figure out where the gate was located for my connecting flight. Even though I had a few hours I wanted to make sure I was where I needed to be even if I got there two hours early.

Could it be that I am finally where I need to be?

Relationships have never come easy for me. Don’t get me wrong, I know “relationships aren’t easy” but I can’t help but hope that one will come along that will be easier than they have been for me over the past 20 years. My best friend who has stood beside me during the good, the bad and the ugly has always been there to encourage me that I deserved more. And I always wondered how easy it was for her to feel that way. She and her husband have been married nearly 17 years. How could she possibly understand what is…or isn’t out here in the “world of singles.”

…but I’m nearly convinced that she has always known much more than I could possibly give her credit for.

After boarding my connecting flight and being in the air for a few hours, the overcast sky that surrounded Dallas had turned into a perfect view of the burning red sun that eventually caught up with the horizon. I sat in my window seat glancing back until everything above and beneath me was completely black.

It was then that I pondered the symbolism between the darkened night and my past relationships.

Occasionally a relationship will end mutually, with the understanding of both involved, that things just aren’t meant to be. There are also the ones that end with the words, “What was I thinking?” And then there are the ones that end in extreme heartache. The heartache that ultimately leaves you with the impression or assumption that maybe you are meant to spend the rest of your life alone. While that statement has haunted me more times than I can count, I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it for me…

How did I get here?

A combination of those three scenarios…

Feeling the descent of the aircraft, the nerves once again bounced around inside of me. But they were no longer “unsettling” nerves. They were nerves of anticipation, because waiting for me outside of the baggage claim was the reason that I was stepping foot in San Juan. Someone I couldn’t wait to see. The answer to my question…

He was the one person I wanted to be standing next to when the final second of 2010 ticked away, and he was the first person I wanted to be next to when 2011 came to be. I wanted to walk away from the old and into the new with him. And it all worked out…

Four days didn’t seem like enough time…and before I knew it I was once again standing in the San Juan airport to head back home. After a handful of goodbyes and walking the dreadful steps to the security checkpoint I glanced back to see a man in his Army fatigues watching me with a smile…

The flight back home was long, but hopeful. I thought about every single moment in my life that led me to where I am. The heartaches, disappointments, the “what was I thinking” situations. They all got me here and I am thankful for each and every one.

And right now there’s no place I’d rather be.